His thoughts started to shift from his manhood and back to her. The beat was pounding through both of their bodies, and sweat was starting to glisten on her flesh. He’d always loved this sight. She sucked him like she was possessed, and she was in the zone tonight.

He was lost in her as she danced on…she pulled him towards her and he was confronted with the new experience of his ass on her, fucking her face. It was a pulsing shock of pleasure to him when he felt his cock stiffen quickly, throbbing.

She was the sexiest woman he’d ever know, he thought as they started to grind together.

How could He have wanted more?

No man made me a submissive,

i was born that way

But a man gave me the freedom to be that way.

Pride

One of the traits I most appreciate in submissive women is the pride with which they approach their submission and the myriad tasks performed within it.

Society has evolved to a place where being a woman who is overtly submissive to a man is frowned upon as being “old fashioned” at best and a sign of archaic sexist dominance and subjugation of the female spirit at worst. Today, it is almost taboo to be a publicly submissive female to a male figure. Vanilla friends, family and co-workers would admonish any woman who appeared to be overly submissive to her male partner to get out of the “imprisoning” and “abusive” relationship. No wonder so many women crave an opportunity to submit completely to another. Society has made it all but impossible to do so and it has become the great taboo and an unfulfilled wish of many.

In instances where a woman finds a competent and caring Dom who can draw out and enable her submissive side, it is remarkable to see the intensity and seriousness with which she approaches her submissive role and the tasks within it. The pride she takes in being the best she can be for her Master never ceases to amaze and fulfill me. She gives tremendous thought to her actions, presentation, skills, words, and deeds. She continually strives to be better at all she does. She takes enormous pride in her accomplishments and in anticipating the needs, and meeting the challenges, her Master sets forth.

This is why physical correction and punishment is so rarely required to improve performance or correct behavior in my experience. The pride a submissive takes in her efforts is crushed upon the realization that she has displeased her Master or failed to measure up in some manner. Gentle coaching and correction is all that is required when you have a submissive woman under your hand who genuinely takes pride in her submission.

But beware. The pride that leads to such remarkable performance by a sub has a dark side.

Perfectionism.

When a submissive takes so much pride in her efforts that she becomes obsessed with being perfect for her Master at all times, a destructive force begins to creep into the relationship. No one, no matter how well-intended or filled with pride at a job well done, can possibly be perfect all the time. And if a perfectionist submissive is paired with an intolerant and domineering Dom then things can spiral out of control rather quickly and relentlessly, leaving the submissive to feel perpetually inadequate and subsequently unfulfilled.

It is important as a Dom to set high standards and expect a high level of performance in all his submissive attempts and accomplishes or she will be unfulfilled. She will interpret anything less than high standards as weakness on the part of her Dom and naturally tend to lose interest. But it is equally important not to fall into the trap of demanding unattainable perfectionism which will only breed frustration and prevent a sub from settling into her place of comfort, serenity and service. There is a point at which performance must be deemed good enough and should be praised and rewarded. Doing so will build a sense of pride and nurture a subs natural tendency to want to continue to please and perform to ever higher standards.

Use a submissive’s natural pride and sense of perfectionism as a tool to motivate her performance and desire to continually improve. But do not take advantage of, or abuse this natural sense, or you will quickly find yourself with a frustrated and despondent sub and run the risk of destroying what might otherwise have been a healthy and rewarding D/s relationship.

Build her pride. Use it to motivate. Bruise it once in a while to correct. But never tear it down or break it. For once destroyed, pride is very hard or impossible to build back up again.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2012

Dom and Sub 

Where do we fit … how do we live as we are in this life and find the meaning we want … 

People first … always so … but entranced at first as I was … by all the newness he showed me … I couldn’t see that clearly … now I do … 

But still this thing is so very very real … not all of our lives … but the core of our souls … the driven centre … the itch that must be scratched … 

When did he know what he was? In the first relationship that brought him true understanding? From the very first time he was ever with a girl? And did it scare him then … even a little? Make him question his sense and his sanity? To be so “different” … I’m sure he must have been young when the reality first sunk in … did he ever frighten the girls he tried to be with? Would he have frightened me? 

Whether he scared them or not … he learned to seek out his own … if only blindly at first. Not so unusual for a young Dom I’m sure … seeking out the “bad girls” … the ones who would let him “play” … at least to a degree that “good girls” never would … but never all he sought … not really … 

Then there was the one who brought understanding … she came closest to feeding what needed to be fed … once he found her … though I have to wonder what she really taught him … if she gave him some comfort in what he was I will think her an angel for that much at least … but at most I think she set him on the path … 

It’s one thing to find you’re not alone … a revelation to be sure … 

But to be made comfortable with your kinks is just the surface … the doorway in … so much more to know if only there is the courage to try … 

She can’t have felt things as I do … otherwise how could she just have left him? Stopped coming? I want to know his heart as he knows mine … and heal that pain … 

Indeed I have become much more fascinated with him and his nature these days than myself … like a mad narcissist I have been … my own desperate obsession for many many months … needing to dissect all my reasons … comprehend my compulsions … know MY OWN heart … 

But I’m in a place of relative peace with that now … beat it to death with a shovel … so knowing who I am and what I want I turn to him … the even greater mystery … my mirror … my other self … my revelation … 

This is the deep place of D/s … the part far beyond the kink … the sex … the surface depravity … it’s the way two souls of like mind and like nature can meet to share their secrets … finding greater trust and greater joy than those who can’t or won’t journey here could ever hope to know … 

So of course it works even in fantasy … as we have most often been forced to play it … it must live in the depths of our minds or nowhere at all … and there is found also the part he always missed … the truth at the core of our souls … only discovered through the one made to show it to you … 

Yes he has had the kink … the sex … the passion … and I have managed my own walk on the dark side since coming to know him … my Master … my best friend … my chosen … my only … 

But I have also come to understand that he has never seen the real power … the power of love … so many would think D/s a place to hide from love … when the deepest truth is that it is a place where it can exist more deeply and profoundly … more nakedly and honestly … than in any other facet of life … 

He and I though … we already know now at least something of those deeper places … our journey has brought us there … to the holy ground … the spiritual bond … the part he never had … but surely dreamed of … against all odds … beyond the masks … and all attempts at denial … 

Of all the women he has ever known … I’m the only one to ever take him there … show him the profound … the heart’s desire he never thought to even admit he wanted … a union of equals … that finds its paradoxical way through glorious imbalance … a woman to know him … accept him … and love him … dark and light … all as one … made perfect in his imperfection … 

Because THAT is true submission … not just the play … the obedience in sex … the kink and the wild uninhibited exploration … 

The truest part is unquestioning devotion … unconditional love … a total gift of self in every way … sexual … intellectual … spiritual … everything … the true meaning of ownership … incandescent and achingly beautiful … 

And so he has come home to me … as I came home to him … I waited so long to know this joy … as did he … and only we could bring it to each other …

(Source: mygirlfriendshouldbelikethis, via grannychris54)